B"H

THANK G@D FOR MY SOFER!

Saturday, September 6th

Ahh...Shabbes :)
I went for lunch to my sofer's & he & his wife & kids were great, as usual - there were the same friends as last week, the the addition of Tzipporah, a beautiful Moroccan woman from Chicago who was a very bright light. She was attending classes at She'arim (Gates), a Charedi (ultra-orthodox) women's yeshivah (seminary) & loving it. She luminous & had the voice of an angel! It was a real pleasure to sing z'mirot (Shabbat songs) with her.
While I was helping my sofer set up for lunch, he'd asked me whether he'd been of help, with his e-mail reply to my questioning of Self. He wasn't sure. I thanked him & told him I was much better, that I *knew* at some point that I was going to have a spiritual meltdown, that I jusy didn't know when, & that it was all well & good. One can NOT (*should* NOT) skip flippantly into such a serious honour as writing a Sefer Torah. There are many levels of preparation & for me, anyway, this re-grounding was one of them. I explained how the task was mountainous to my expressions of faith. He was pouring wine into his kidush cup, listening thoughtfully. He looked up into my eyes & muttered a line from the Sh'ma, "...b'chol levavkha, uv'chol nafshekha, uv'chol me'odekha." - referring to the fact that we *must* serve G@d, "...with our entire hearts, with our whole souls & with every part of our minds." I smiled. He's right. Normally the word for "heart" in Hebrew - "leyv" - is written Lamed-Vet. In the Sh'ma the word for "your heart" - "levavkha" - is written with TWO Vets. Why? This is to recognise & acknowledge that our hearts have 2 inclinations - one that is purely motivated & one that is selfishly motivated. & these words of G@d ask that we use *both* those inclinations in the ways which we relate with The Holy One. So basically what my sofer pointed out to me is that being aware of my shortcomings & "human-ness", is important, but that G@d doesn't expect me to be "perfect" (whatever *that* is!) before I attempt this Holy work.
Thank G@d!
We hung out for a while after lunch & talked about literature & told jokes & then I returned to my apartment for a schluff (nap).
After I woke I continued to read R' Nebenzahl's book, even though it had spun me into my spiritual crisis :) I'm very stubborn!
Shavu'ah tov!
The eveningsa are so beautiful here. Soft & fragrant.
I finished cutting ALL of my quills, even the goose ones, & I re-shrpened the turkey kulmusim (quills) I'd been using. They need to be re-shaped every 10 lines of writing, as they dull quickly. This is very high-maintenance Work :)
Homework
I blogged & e-mailed all night because I got all hopped up on Twizzlers :)