Netivat Sofrut: diary of a Soferet

Adventures of a female sofer learning to heal the world by doing Holy Work...writing a Sefer Torah

נחזיר את השכינה למקומה בצייון ובתבל כלה

"Let us restore the Divine In-Dwelling to Her Place in Zion & infuse Her spirit throughout the whole inhabited world."

So wherever we are, let us bring the Peace of G@d's Presence.

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Location: Vancouver/London, British Columbia/UK, Canada

SCRIBAL EVANGELIST As the only living certified Soferet (סופרת - female Jewish ritual scribe) & the first woman to practice sofrut (creation of sacred Hebrew texts) in over 200 years, I feel an obligation to blog about my experiences of The Work. I am also currently researching the foundation of a lost tradtion of women practicing this holy craft. For more on the services I provide, please see Soferet.com; Sofrut Nation. I am now available to engage with students, male or female, wishing to enter into the preliminary stage of learning sofrut. You are welcome to join me on this path. "Tzedeq, tzedeq tir'dof - Justice, justice you shall pursue." Devarim/Deuteronomy 16:20.

Friday, September 12, 2003

B"H

ISRAELI LAUNDROMAT HIJINX & SPIRITUAL WALLS

Thursday, September 4th

Did a LOT of lettering today. My hands & forearms are sore...
At 7 p.m. I'm doing laundry a couple of blocks from my apartment & these Israeli teens are making a video!
It was so hilarious, I laugh out loud as the little one with shining brown eyes & brunette pigtail springs for hair in baggy red plaid pyjama bottoms which say "bootylicious" across the butt & a grey baby T climbs inside one of the dryers, complete with Tevas. They take turns climbing inside & videoing each other they all *might* be 15, at most.
I made myself a strong cup of coffee at home. black black. stirred in some White Death (that would be granulated sugar) & got to work.
Felt very weird - almost like I was coming own with a bug or something. I felt a bit nauseous & uneasy. I know I didn't catch a flu from my flights, because they're too long ago now. Sure I had strong coffee with sugar & only a boiled egg to eat, but that wasn't it. Each time I got up from the table I was just a tiny bit shaky. It was almost imperceptible. Something's wrong & I don't know what it is. Yet.

After webbing & blogging, I settled on the chesterfield & began reading Rav Nebenzahl's book on the month of Elul - & how to effectively do tshuvah (after all, repentance is my middle name) & now I understand my problem. I'm selfish. I'm here to do this work for me & not for G@d, to welcome the precious opportunity to perform the special mitzvot required of me while here. I'm taking, not giving. This is a serious flaw. How can I transform this part of my Self?
I suspect that my fears of being physically injured or murdered while I'm here are not just based on the threats that were made against me the last time I was learning with my sofer, but are linked to my lack of chesed in this area, my sometimes patchy faith in G@d (Shoftim 2:10, 12 & 3:2). If only I could find the chesed & the strength to serve G@d in the way that only I am meant to - the whole reason why I walk this Earth - then I would have no need to feel suspicious or fearful of others. I would simply serve & be preserved by the grace of G@d.
Perhaps this is the beginning of the lesson I was meant to learn about myself by coming here, the lesson alluded to in the dream I had the night after I found out that I was definitely coming to Israel. The dream that told me there was a part of myself that was not in tune with G@d & the sacred path I wish to tread. There's been an old spiritual blockage which I haven't *quite* been able to dismantle on my own, due to the pain of the past that turned me into a taker, a taker whom I've mostly turned around & healed, but not completely. Maybe this is it. I think so. I feel so. Thank G@d. Now what do I do?
All I know is that I won't be worthy to write this Sefer Torah until I have healed this wound.
How do I gently open this part of myself which is still protectively closed, still concerned with preserving my Self & my ego above anything else? I don't have a clue how. I only know what. I'm going to go meditate.
All I could do is cry. I was freezing. Sweating. Heart palpitating. & that nasty taste in my mouth...I went into shock. I got under my quilt fully clothed & lay there stiff & straight, shivering, with my hands over my heart, full of dread. I don't know how long for.
Joel called. I cried to him about my revelation. He loaned me all his love & sympathy & told me that I was in the process of becoming the Real Me. Why do I deserve this man? He's so *good*...
As I began to express my experiences, thoughts & feelings to Joel, I cried & came out of shock. Then as I processed my revelation my body became like a furnace, sweating profusely. I was totally overheated so I turned on the fan AND the air conditioner. It was 4 a.m. I still sweated through my clothes & left a puddle on the plastic dining room chair.
I just want to do this work with all the love & respect & consciousness that it deserves. I have to climb out of this chrysalid to do that.

With G@d's help...

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