ON ANGELS & SECURITY GUARDS

B"H


Tuesday, August 26th

I'm in a Gevurah (strength) vs. Chesed (compassion) balancing act. Gavri'el HaMalakh (the Archangel Gabriel) was the awesome messenger whose strength put fear into the hearts of those he came to instruct, yet he communicated their mission to them in a way that they could hear it & left them with a sense of peace & direction. I was finally able to define where I'm at after sitting with him in my heart last night. He heard me. I've come here on a heart/Tiferet journey this time, not a head/Keter journey. I've come with a more open heart, with less (no?) arrogance & with my heart ready to overflow with tears at any moment. He told me about myself :) they way only he can. Chesed & Din (judgement). Balance. Black fire on White fire. Correcting letters. Forming them perfectly by adding, not subtracting. Having the CONSCIOUSNESS, the KAVANAH to form them beautifully the first time & not return later to scrape away. So much a metaphor for our lives. ALL our lives.
I was left with a feeling that I have to pour love into this place, while I have the chance, while I'm here. The "Nachazir" chant I learned from Naomi Steinberg came to me & I sang it once. "Nachazir et HaSh'khinah limqomah b'et Tzion uva Teyvel kulah". Let us restore the Sh'khinah to Her Place in Zion & throughout the whole inhabited world. In other words, wherever there are people, let us bring the Peace of G@d's Presence. I'm going to do some chant & breathwork with this later.
I sat & drank my green tea. "Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem"...& all her precious souls. Not just the Jewish ones. I wept.

Yehuda's studio fiasco - I never made it. It was so boiling hot & I was so disoriented by the time I got to the neighbourhood that all I saw was a dirt road here & a dirt road there & I knew I was so close I could've spit on Yehuda's front door, but I gave up & went into that enormous Theatre mall complex for a drink. The security guard didn't just check my bag & metal-detect me, he asked me why I was coming to the mall. I tried to explain myself & he let me through, but only because I'm a non-threatening "Anglo-Saxit"...I ended up staggering home in the oppressive heat through a strange part of Gonen - totally the wrong neighbourhood - & collapsing on my bed. I was damp for the rest of the day, even *with* the air conditioning on...
I took a nap from 3 - 5 p.m. from the sheer exhaustion of wandering in the dusty desert heat.
I hit the local art store to buy this crazy special 3D ruler to do my homework with.
Called my sofer & left a message about when we'd meet tomorrow.
Called Yehuda & got alternative directions from Maurene to his studio. We chatted about how great Shabbes was & how wonderful it is to spend time together again.
My homework manifested as such: Bet is a bit of a battle, but Dalet is coming along nicely. Reysh is more of a challenge than it should be & Vav is only good when I write it larger .

I don't know even what time it was when I was finished my lettering, but it was light out & the birds were singing. Such strange birdsong here...