THE TORAH OF GROWTH

בס"ד
9 Sh'vat


From "Lessons in Personal Transformation", page 119:

"...I still frequently find myself wanting to please her, & to change many situations that make her unhappy. When I find my efforts unsuccessful I feel uneasy, & I am then tempted to see her as demanding & rejecting when she is simply asking for help.
I find the need to remember that I am responsible for the emotions I experience, & that she did not create my lack of peace - I did.
The lesson...reminds me that the choice is between peace or conflict. When consistently practicing this lesson then I can choose to see her differently. I can choose to accept her without wanting to change her. This perception leads to seeing the Love that exists between us & the recognition that she continues to be...most significant..."

Further, exerpted from pages 123 - 126:

"We have all had the experience of feeling trapped in a situation where there seemed to be no escape...If we perceive things not as problems but rather as opportunities for learning, we can experience a sense of joy & well-being when the essons are learned. We are never presented with lessons until we are ready to learn them...
..This was a very powerful & important learning experience for me. At first I saw this person as a potential enemy who was going to hurt me. I chose not to...create more fear & separation. When I found a common bond in our fearful attitudes & sincerely asked for...help, he joined me. When I saw this person as my teacher rather than my enemy, he helped me...

& finally, page 129:

"I am responsible for what I see
I choose the feelings I experience, & I decide
upon the goal I would achieve.
& everything that seems to happen to me,
I ask for, & I receive asI have asked."

My practice has been changing, slowly, patiently. Prayer has taken on a meditative pace, as I linger in the thrice-daily prescribed time of G@d-communing, in no rush to face each day. Each morning after Shachrit I speak additional praises & supplications out of the Aneni I purchased while on my NYC speaking tour in December. I'm learning to create more light with prayer, using it to illuminate the places I need to explore, looking for the pressure release valve that will allow me to fully transform reactive energy to proactive, with G@d's help.

Still focusing on the letter Hey, its dimension of reality beyond initial sensory perception, its representation of how breakage & disillusionment leads to re-unified existence.

The road from this personal Eycha to eventual Nachamu, I pray, I'll walk with love & consciousness.

The tag (crown) on my Heys have moved back ever so slightly, further right along the roof. Not so far that they look Sephardic, though. They may be waking up, too...

On my sofer's recommendation as well as that of Reb Zalman's, I finally contacted a Sephardic sofer st"m & asked if he would consider teaching me.

IY"H.


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