SYNTHESIS

בס"ד
29 Sh'vat


Why do we fight battles we have no hope of winning?

Tehilim 141

א  מִזְמוֹר, לְדָוִד:
יְהוָה קְרָאתִיךָ, חוּשָׁה לִּי;    הַאֲזִינָה קוֹלִי, בְּקָרְאִי-לָךְ.
1: A Psalm of David. HAVAYEH, I have called You; hurry to me; hear my voice when I call to You.

ב  תִּכּוֹן תְּפִלָּתִי קְטֹרֶת לְפָנֶיךָ;    מַשְׂאַת כַּפַּי, מִנְחַת-עָרֶב.
2: Let my prayer be offered as incense before You, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.

ג  שִׁיתָה יְהוָה, שָׁמְרָה לְפִי;    נִצְּרָה, עַל-דַּל שְׂפָתָי.
3: Set a guard, HAVAYEH, to my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips.

ד  אַל-תַּט-לִבִּי    לְדָבָר רָע,
לְהִתְעוֹלֵל עֲלִלוֹת    בְּרֶשַׁע--
אֶת-אִישִׁים    פֹּעֲלֵי-אָוֶן;
וּבַל-אֶלְחַם,    בְּמַנְעַמֵּיהֶם.
4: Don't incline my heart to anything broken, to be occupied in deeds of wickedness with men that work iniquity; & let me not eat of their dainties.

ה  יֶהֶלְמֵנִי צַדִּיק חֶסֶד,    וְיוֹכִיחֵנִי--
שֶׁמֶן רֹאשׁ,    אַל-יָנִי רֹאשִׁי:
כִּי-עוֹד וּתְפִלָּתִי,    בְּרָעוֹתֵיהֶם.
5: Let the conscious smite me with kindness, & correct me; oil so choice let not my head refuse; for still is my prayer because of their brokenness.

ו  נִשְׁמְטוּ בִידֵי-סֶלַע, שֹׁפְטֵיהֶם;    וְשָׁמְעוּ אֲמָרַי, כִּי נָעֵמוּ.
6: Their judges are thrown down by the sides of the rock; & they shall hear my words, that they are sweet.

ז  כְּמוֹ פֹלֵחַ וּבֹקֵעַ בָּאָרֶץ--    נִפְזְרוּ עֲצָמֵינוּ, לְפִי שְׁאוֹל.
7: As one loosens & breaks up the earth, are our bones scattered at the grave's mouth.

ח  כִּי אֵלֶיךָ, יְהוִה אֲדֹנָי עֵינָי;    בְּכָה חָסִיתִי, אַל-תְּעַר נַפְשִׁי.
8: For mine eyes are unto You, HAVAYEH AD@NAI; in You have I taken refuge, don't pour out my soul.

ט  שָׁמְרֵנִי--מִידֵי פַח, יָקְשׁוּ לִי;    וּמֹקְשׁוֹת, פֹּעֲלֵי אָוֶן.
9: Keep me from the snare which they have laid for me, & from the gins of the workers of iniquity.

י  יִפְּלוּ בְמַכְמֹרָיו רְשָׁעִים;    יַחַד אָנֹכִי, עַד-אֶעֱבוֹר.
10: Let the broken fall into their own nets, while I withal escape.

Over the past week I have been given very stong messages about avodah - spiritual work - yet I am resisting. Why?
Purification: I have seen that all things have their limit, but Your commandment is broad beyond measure - Tehilim/Psalm 119:96
Obedience: Give me understanding, that I might live. I call with all my heart. Answer me, HAVAYEH - Tehilim/Psalm 119:144-145
Compassion: I pour out before G@d my prayerful meditation; my distress, before G@d, I declare - Tehilim/Psalm 142:3
Responsibility: How can I repay HAVAYEH for all the bounties given me? = Tehilim/Psalm 116:12
Birth: How much have I loved Your Torah! All the day it is my meditation - Tehilim/Psalm 119:97

& tonight, the messages are still coming in loud & clear:
Responsibility. Integrity. Expectancy: My eyes shed streams of water - Tehilim/Psalm 119:136
Transformation: & again it's Tehilim/Psalm 119:97

R' Bachya ben Yosef ibn Paquda writes in his "Dutes of the Heart" that there are 7 things which we have no choice but must trust G@d with: 1) our physical well-being, 2) our income & livelihood, 3) our relationships with spouse, children, relatives, friends & enemies, 4) our heart inclinations which affect only ourselves, 5) our heart inclinations which affect only others, 6) our reward in the World-to-Come regarding our conduct in this World, & 7) the extra reward we receive due to G@d's great chesed/lovingkindness.

The question is how. How to collapse into the loving arms of Ha-Shem. I see people all around me who are like scared kittens in a tree, who won't let the nice fireman near them, to rescue them. They grasp onto food & sex & drugs & SUVs & television & fundamentalism to keep distracted from what they are most afraid of: letting go & letting G@d...
...but we can't avoid G@d, so why do we cling like this?
I look forward to more deeply studying this work of musar for answers to such eternal questions...




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